Another doctor appointment today.  Baby girl scored another 8 out of 8 on her biophysical profile, and I got to have my favorite ultrasound tech!  I had a blood pressure of 124/84... not too bad, not what I want it to be, but low enough to allow my doctor to remain relatively unconcerned about me for another week.

There really is no change with the baby, but today Dr. P told me that she feels like the remaining growth on the back of this baby's head/neck is really looking more and more like it is an encephalocele.  I write that word now without having to look up its spelling.  I really hate that I know how to spell it, and have visited the first 50 sites that come up if you google it.  Encephalocele is not something I ever wanted to know about!  Dr P's feelings are strong enough to have us meet with a pediatric neurosurgeon in the next couple of weeks - more words I don't want to know about or type.  If this is an encephalocele we are looking at what I'll refer to as "baby brain surgery" within the first couple of weeks/months of our daughter's life.  I spent a couple of months practically begging each night as I pray for the cystic hygroma to resolve, and it did... and revealed this!  Seriously?  I want to shout foul, but as I've seen in the past several months, healing does happen, right?

I wanted to give you some facts I've discovered through multiple sources about encephaloceles.  I'm hoping if anyone googles this and is having the same questions I do this will be helpful.  It will also help you guys to understand better what appears now to be going on with our little girl.  After reading some of these things, I sometimes long for the days of thinking this was a cystic hygroma... words I never thought I'd say

Encephaloceles are a neural tube defect which is basically a sac-like protrusion from a defect in the skull. These protrusions are filled with the membranes that surround the brain cavity and sometimes, brain matter as well.

Encephaloceles affect about 375 babies yearly in the United States.  Lucky me... and I can't seem to win the freaking lottery, but this?

20% of babies who have encephaloceles are stillborn.  Better odds I guess that we were first given.

The prognosis, depends on the type and amount of brain tissue involved, the encephalocele's location, other brain malformations.

Babies with an encephalocele stand a one in five chance at survival. 21% of babies with an encephalocele survive birth. Of those that are born alive, only half will survive.

Babies that have an encephalocele may also have other related issues including: 
-- Microcephaly (small head)
-- Ataxia (uncoordinated movements)
-- A 75% rate of some sort of developmental delay
-- Hydrocephalus
-- Paralysis of the arms and legs
-- Vision problems
-- Seizures
-- Slow growth

So... this appears to be more and more our new reality.

We asked today if our doctor is still thinking Turner Syndrome, and she is not.  The slate has been wiped clean.  The information I was given at my first appointment is no longer valid.  She is not aware of any known cases of Turner or Down syndrome that presented with encephalocele.  More and more we are looking at a very rare genetic defect, or an isolated birth defect, and yet she cannot find any genetic conditions that are standing out because our baby is lacking other dominant traits of each condition.  If you have to cheer for one over the other we've been told to cheer for isolated birth defect (somewhere along the way of this year I lost all naivety).

If the encephalocele can be successful repaired, and no other conditions are present with our baby, then she could live a normal life.

There are still so many what ifs...
What if it is an encephalocele?
What if its not?
What if its something else?

There is only one thing we are certain of... that there remains so much uncertainty, and we probably won't know the answer until sometime after our daughter is born.

I have been told I may be one of the strangest cases of cystic hygroma/encephalocele they have ever seen.  When my daughter and I show up in a medical journal someday, all I want is an autographed copy hanging on my wall.  I figure it will make a for an interesting item for her to bring to show and tell someday.

I'll be honest.  This past week dragged by!  First we had ungodly heat, then there was the blood pressure scare of last week's appointment, and the near daily blood pressure checks, bringing me finally to today.

Drum roll please.... 30 WEEKS!  There is a 3 in front of that number, people!  A 3... not a 1 or even a 2. 

I'm happy to report that my blood pressure has been steadily going down since last Thursday.  Readings in the last 2 days have been 119/76 and 114/72.  I have my weekly doctor appointment tomorrow, so we'll see how my blood pressure compares there.

And now, since the heat wave has passed, we've been able to get out walking again in the evenings.  I hope this will have a positive effect on my blood pressure, but it definitely does NOT feel very comfortable to me anymore.  Lots of pressure and pulling sensations in my hips and legs, and the other night I had round ligament pain for about 6 blocks.  I almost thought for a minute I'd have to have my husband walk home, get the car, and come pick me up!

Last night my son woke up wet in the middle of the night.  I changed his sheets, and laid awake for over an hour before I could finally fall back asleep again.  When I finally fell back asleep, it was only a half hour or so before my alarm sounded, but during that half hour, I had a dream.  I had a dream where Dr. P was delivering my baby.  They took the baby away, but brought her back to me.  She was beautiful, she was perfect, and the Dr. told me that the growth on the back of the head/neck was NOT an encephalocele.  They told me there weren't any other tests they needed to run and we could take her home.  It was the best dream I've ever had, but boy was I disappointed when I woke up and found it wasn't real. 

I don't believe much in the significance of dreams - otherwise I would have been captured a hundred times over by bad guys, fell off of numerous cliffs, and had monsters that chased me down every street.  I think I had the dream because I desire this in the depths of my heart, not because of some prediction I see happening.  Regardless, I can't help but hope there is some truth to what I saw.

I cannot leave this post without sharing my sweet "L"s almost 4 year old pictures that we had taken this past weekend.  Despite of the horribleness of this pregnancy, one hug from this boy certainly reminds me every single day that I am blessed.  My pregnancy with him was far from perfect, his birth was scary, and the 27 days he spent in the hospital were painful... but in the end, I think he was definitely worth it!

I've been hit fairly hard in the past week with what I'll refer to as nesting.  As much as I'd like to fight it, and as tired as I'm feeling, I have this insane urge to clean and organize... and not really things that NEED to be cleaned and organized - i.e. those in plain view - but instead cupboards and basements, and other areas that are out of view.  I've also been a bit freaked out about not really "being ready" for this baby.  Now, I'm not sure what "being ready" even means.  I've asked Dr. P what I should prepare for as far as bringing a baby home or not, and she kind of just shakes her head and tells me she doesn't have a good answer. 
I'm stuck in that stupid place of limbo, where I can't plan once again.  I guess this baby will have a place to sleep at least, and we have some blankets from "L" and probably a week's worth of newborn clothes.  Diapers can always be purchased as needed at the last minute, right?  I still have to dig my breast pump out of the basement somewhere, but I'll find that soon... I hope.  I don't want to plan too much, because the thought of having to deal with the aftermath if something horrible happens - which in all honesty is really still the more statistically significant scenario (although long ago I decided that I don't do statistics) - is too much for me.  At the same time, I don't want to plan too little either, otherwise I'll be stuck without some basic things we need.  Sorry... but all of this really just downright sucks - how poetic, I know, but I can't think of better words right now.

Sunday was no exception to the nesting bug.  I found myself rather suddenly in the mist of cleaning out the corner cupboard in our kitchen.  This is a cupboard that I'll lovingly refer to as a "junk cupboard".  Yes... I have a junk drawer too.  I guess I just have a lot of junk.  If we are actually going to eventually bring a baby home to live here, I need more space for things like bottles and breast milk containers.  So it before increasingly clear to me that I needed to clean the junk cupboard - STAT!

As I sat in the middle of the hard floor 7 months pregnant, I started thinking about the inevitable mess that this new baby would bring upon our house.  We have trucks and trains and books and games already piled high in our living room.  I closed my eyes for a minute and envisioned dolls and little strollers and Polly pockets and whatever else little girls play with - please excuse this mom of a boy's inadequacy in this area.  I envisioned what a giant mess it would all be trying to contain the "needs" of 2 children of opposite sexes, born 4 years apart.  A mandatory trip to IKEA jumped into my mind for a minute, and then you know what?  I felt a huge smile come over my face.

All I could manage to think in that moment was - BRING ON THE MESS!  I'd love to blessed by the messes this baby might bring.  Lord knows she has brought enough "mess" into our otherwise somewhat formerly orderly lives already!

Another week is here... another Monday - the last Monday of July!  Part of me hates Monday, but part of me knows it is another week closer to finally having this pregnancy over with - no I AM NOT wishing for an early end... believe me, but I am wishing for the weeks to go by quickly, as I really need some closure - which I also realize I may never get, depending on the outcome.

Anyways... that's not why I'm writing.  I'm writing because its Monday and that means here's my menu for this week!

Dilled Chicken Fricasse - Recipe Below
Pioneer Woman's meatloaf - lightened, Baked Potatoes
BLTs - except pregnancy makes me hate lettuce, so we do BATs - Bacon, Avocado, Tomato
Pancakes with blueberries
Spaghetti w/Tomato Sauce
Pita Pizzas - never got to these last week - with turkey pepperoni

Also... in response to the question about  making chicken fajitas on the grill.  Here's my method.  Season chicken breasts however you like and grill just like any other chicken.  Cut up various color peppers and onion (I use red onion) and divide among several pieces of tin foil - roll up the edges.  Place on grill for around 10 minutes, flip and keep on for about 10 minutes more.  Cut up chicken into strips once its off the grill, serve chicken and veggies with all the fixin's on tortillas.

Dilled Chicken Fricasse
Serves 4 at 8 Points Plus each
My mom's recipe - a must make if you have fresh green beans and dill - we had both from our garden this weekend.  To me this tastes like a chicken, potatoes, and gravy Sunday meal all done in one pan.  My husband doesn't like green beans and he loved this!

Mix together in a pie plate:
1/3 cup flour
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp paprika

4 (4 oz each) chicken breasts - 1 pound total
1 Tbsp olive oil
coat chicken breasts - both sides - in flour mixture and cook in oil 3 minutes per side - until golden brown on each side.

2 cups of chicken broth
4 Tbsp fresh dill, divided
10 new baby potatoes
1 Tbsp lemon juice
2 cups fresh green beans

Add broth to hot pan, along with the remaining flour mixture, and 2 Tbsp of the dill.  Stir well, and bring to a boil.  Add the potatoes, simmer covered for 10 minutes.  Add the green beans, cover again, and cook another 10 minutes.  Add in remaining 2 Tbsp of dill and the lemon juice.

Guess who is going to be trekking to CVS or Walmart for daily blood pressure checks?  Yep... yours truly!  I'm not about to spend only a couple of weeks with my beloved first trimester, so I guess I better figure out a way to get it down!
Every time I have a doctor's appointment I get myself so worked up.  This morning was no exception.  I was feeling especially anxious given the revealing of the possible encephalocele last week.  I also feel as we get closer the "when will I go to the doctor, and not come home, but go straight to the hospital" feeling.  I have a lot of anxiety surrounding that as a result of my previous pregnancy.

The good news is baby girl passed her biophysical profile today with flying colors.  The ultrasound tech gave her an 8 out of 8.  BPP measure 4 things - amniotic fluid, gross motor movements, fine motor movements (muscle tone), and breathing.  Baby girl did all things perfectly - she of course is like her mama - and even moved from a transverse (cross ways position) to head down during my ultrasound, which caused the tech to take about a 2 minute break, while we all watched her go nuts on the screen!  I also had her growth checked today and while she isn't growing as normally as a "normal" baby would she is growing compared to herself.  Overall I am measuring at about 28 ish weeks, and I'm 29.  Baby girl is about 2-1/2 pounds.

The not so good news... because there ALWAYS has to be some, is that I unfortunately did not fair so well.  I have pre-hypertension.  My first blood pressure was 138/86.  Clinical hypertension is 140/90.  I was told that when they took it again, and if it was that high, they would start running my labs.  Not how I wanted to spend my day.  The second time they took it, I thought happy thoughts of Hawaiian beaches and I was able to get it down to 133/79.  I'm still unhappy with the top number, which is up 18 points from last week, but the bottom number is actually a little lower than last week.  I have to take my blood pressure daily, and call my numbers in tomorrow and Tuesday.  I see the doctor again next Thursday. 

I really, really need a couple more weeks before this starts creeping up.  I didn't have any protein in my urine, so it could just be an isolated incident.  If no preeclampsia signs follow and it stays higher than normal, they would just put me on blood pressure meds, according to the doctor. 

True confession time - I did eat a lot of potato chips, it has been ungodly hot here, AND I haven't walked in over a week.  So now, I need to stop eating potato chips and start walking, right?  The heat is out of my control.  I told the doctor and nurse to STOP stressing me out so much.  Jeez, you'd expect with a pregnancy this stressful, that it might be even higher!