Postpartum ConfessionsOctober 11, 2011
It is time.
It is time for me to fess up and face the facts that I'm 30 pounds over my goal weight, and I feel like a slug and a whale all rolled into one.
It is time for me to say that having no pants that fit, other than stretchy pants, stresses me out!
It is time for me to admit that I have eaten way too much candy corn in the past 3 days!
It is time for me to admit that I used to be a size 8, and I'm probably a 14 or maybe even a 16 right now.
It is time for me to admit that it is going to get cold in Minnesota soon and my warm Columbia Coat from last year is not going to fit, and I am going to freeze!
I'm 3 weeks postpartum and my body shape has completely changed. I've always been an apple, but this pregnancy widened my back side and hips significantly. I thought, oh, I'll just wear my pants with a Bella band, until I can zip them again, but the reality is my pants won't even go over my hips right now.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my self-esteem in in the crapper right now. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care, because I do. I really do. Having no pants that fits sucks!
I'd be lying if I said that I am not stress/comfort eating right now. Being home all day long with a newborn is not some sort of bliss, like you might be lead to believe. It is boring sometimes, and tedious, and tiring, and crazy, and worth it all rolled into one. I grab things here and there to eat when I have a free hand, which isn't that often. I snack all day long, and not on carrots and cucumbers either! When I do eat, its usually interrupted and fast, and I snarf something down and 30 minutes later forget that I actually ate, and repeat all over again.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my favorite food right now is white bread, toasted, with lots and lots of organic butter. I say organic because that makes it better, right?
I'd be lying if I said that I have an organized plan to get off these 30 pounds, and fit into my clothes again. I have some disorganized ideas in my head, but nothing concrete.
I'd be lying if I said that I have any intention of exercising any time soon... read: in the next year.
I'd also be lying if I said that weight loss is my number one or even my number twenty priority right now.
Finally, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a little scared I'll never be able to lose this weight. Wait... you say, aren't you the person that previously lost 115 pounds? 30 pounds should be like a walk in the park to you. For some reason I can't seem to muster up that feeling inside of me that believes in myself to do this again. That believes I can get back to that goal weight number ever again.
Just goes to show you that people that have lost a lot of weight in the past don't have any bigger secrets or any less problems, than the regular person out there that needs/wants to lose weight.
So there you have it... I'm 30 pounds overweight, have no clothes that fit, need my hair cut and my brows plucked, have acne like a teenager, and pretty seriously look like a mess!
But... at least I'm being honest with myself, and for now, that's a step in the right direction.
I certainly thought this would be easier.