Cookies DO NOT Lighten My Load

July 24, 2012

It has been a rough few days in our household.  Lily is in the throes of teething, and simultaneously she managed to get a nasty cold.  She is basically a snot factory, and her bark of a cough reminds me of the crabbiest seal at the zoo.  As if that all was not enough she is also having reflux flares, which is normal for her while sick, and I think the teething certainly isn't helping things.  Poor girl was thisclose to 15 pounds, and now she hasn't eaten or drunk much, and I don't even want to know what she weighs as I'm sure it is NOT good news!

So in my stress over my baby's angst I took it upon myself to make cookies.  NOT,  A.  GOOD.  IDEA. 



Not just any cookies - I had to find something no bake since it was 90+ degrees with tropic of cancer type humidity out.  So I picked a no bake cookie.  I bet you know the one... butter, gobs of sugar, peanut butter, some more sugar, melted until gooey, and then stir in oatmeal at the end to make sure you have decreased guilt + fiber while eating it.  I made them, let them sit for a few minutes until they were barely set and started eating them. 

I promised myself I would stop at 2--max.

I'm guessing you know how this works.  I ate one, and then another one.  Then had a beer, then had Chinese food for dinner, and then had another one for dessert. 

Then more horribleness, as Lily was eating dinner she took one bite of food and proceeded to vomit out both her nose and mouth simultaneously while eliciting a high pitched scream from the very depths of her being. After a hose down of our entire kitchen - oh didn't I tell you, we just decided to put a drain in the middle (joking... for now) - and an impromptu bath, I was exhausted - beat down.

So, I started eating cookies again.  It was then that I stopped myself and said - this doesn't have to end all that bad.  I can stop here, and be done.  Go to bed and be done.  Tomorrow is a new day.  But instead I found myself eating tiny bites of cookie instead of whole ones, because every knows it doesn't count if you eat it in small bits that you pick off at separate times.

I kept the cycle going:  walk over to kitchen, break a small bite off, shove in mouth, sit down, and repeat for 2 hours last night.  My guess is that I ate my way through probably 4 more cookies, but honestly it could be more... unlikely less... as I sort of zoned out in the process.

Guess what?  It didn't work.  Lily was still up at least half the night, and now her bark is worse than ever. 

Why I ever thought that eating delicious cookies would solve my daughter's teething and sickies is beyond me.  So I sit here now, disgusted with myself for basically ruining my week.  Of course, I know what I was looking for.  It's what I always seem to be looking for when I start to over indulge on sweets - I did it last year incessantly during my pregnancy - this time was really no different.  I'm looking for comfort, for an escape from the stress, from the pain.

I just wish I'd remember next time that it NEVER helps... the stress and pain are still there, and I'm a few pounds heavier instead of feeling a load lightened.

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1 comments

  1. I'm vulnerable to stress eating too. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter being sick. I have so much respect for mothers because I know how much energy and patience it takes to take care of children especially when they are young.

    I hope your daughter feels better. I've done something similar where I baked brownies and proceeded to eat half the batch.. WHY!?

    All we can do is move on and try again tomorrow.

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