Weight loss after pregnancy is really nothing like weight loss before pregnancy - at least it hasn't been for me.  Maybe it should have been obvious to me, but it wasn't.  I was not prepared for this.  I had no clue that it would be this hard.  It seems like other women lose at least 20 lbs as they exit the hospital... I lost 5! 

I breastfed expecting the weight to fall off, and I gained back the 5 pounds I lost after birth.

And now... here I am, with a baby that turns 11 months (how is that possible?) next week.  I find myself planning her first birthday and I'm still 20 pounds over my Weight Watchers goal weight.  While I'm sure that Weight Watchers is loving making money off of me I'm sick of paying... again!

Initially in the process, I was frustrated.  I aired my complaints several times.  I went through periods of trying really hard with very minimal results.  I kicked, I screamed, I whined.  I glanced over at the rows of pants that didn't fit me, the ones that just hung there - mocking me!  I finally packed up all of my clothes, and bought new ones. 

And then... glorious acceptance came.  Yes, I was over my goal weight, but there was a beautiful miracle in my life as a result of it.  I stopped beating myself up, after stepping on the scale.  I stopped hating myself when I looked in the mirror.  I started sleeping better, and enjoying the small moments, and reminding myself about the bigger picture.  I told myself it doesn't matter if this takes a month, a year, or a decade - down is down.  And you know what?  A funny thing happened.  I started losing weight just a little better than I was before. 

No... it's not fast, and I do some see-sawing, but I am seeing progress.  I am now less than a pound from being down 25 pounds since I started back to Weight Watchers, and I am officially less than 20 pounds away now from being back to my goal weight.

As I see Lily's first birthday looming in the not so distant future, the initial goal I set out for myself is definitely unreachable.  But that's OK, because I am making progress, little by little.  I've decided to enjoy the journey, enjoy life, and focus on the progress, not the struggles.  Focus on the pants that do fit me, and not the pants that are boxed up in the basement.

I am happy - with myself, with my life. 
And some days I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a cheering section like this.

YAY Mommy!