The SpotAugust 27, 2012
I guess it's time to finally tell you that my baby girl is going under the knife first thing on Wednesday morning to have this removed from the back of her head.
Yes... I bet you didn't know that was even there, did you? I've always shared photos of her smile, but not of this, and yet it has been so much a part of who she is for the last 11 months.
This is what is left of her cystic hygroma. This is where they thought her brain was bulging out of her skull. This is the spot that was viewed on ultrasound 27 times before she was even born. And this, as far as I'm concerned is the very spot where God healed her. Physical evidence of the miracle we were granted. Physical evidence of the immensity of the power and grace... and healing of God.
We've been told more times than I can now remember by doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals that no one has ever seen anything like it. At first I wondered why... what is it? What is it there for? But now I am convinced why no one has ever seen anything like it. Because babies that have a cystic hygroma so big and so complex as Lily's are not born alive to be seen with it.
Like I said, the very spot that God chose to heal our Lily. A spot that has represented for the last 11 months what an amazing answer to pray my daughter is.
Sometimes we are asked questions. They usually go something like this:
What is it made of? Fat and skin we are told.
Does it hurt her? Nope.
What is it? We don't really know. The best guess is a leftover remanent of her cystic hygroma, and where it pushed against her neck/head as it grew and she grew.
Initially I wasn't used to the stares. I actually preferred the questions. It's why I love kids... they are so raw and honest. I remember the first time that one of my son's friends approached us to ask about it. It was at the Thanksgiving feast at his daycare. "What is that?", he blurted out. I told him it was just an extra spot that she was born with. Next he asked, "Does it hurt?" I quickly told him no, and he simply looked and me and said, "OK," and continued eating his mashed potatoes! He asked his questions, and moved on, as if it was no big deal. I wish adults could act that way sometimes.
Finally I got used to the stares. I remember when I used to make sure her head was always facing the back of my arm, so no one would see. At some point, I gave that up, and scolded myself inwardly for being critical of my own daughter. She is who she is, and she is a miracle. If people ask me these days, I simply tell them "Its just the way God made her."
Over the last 11 months I've sort of become attached to the spot. The miracle spot. After Wednesday, it will be strange to find a Lily without her spot. It is so much a part of who she is. I've come to realize that I will actually grieve the spot when it is gone. I know... that sounds so strange, but imagine your child being born with something, living with it for 11 months and then having it taken away within a couple of hours... maybe you can't imagine, and my fingers can't quite find the words right now that I'm looking for.
I know by having it removed though that we are doing the best thing for Lily's future.
Her hair will eventually grow long enough to cover the spot, and just like that the physical evidence of it will be gone.
I however, will raise my daughter to know about her spot, and to remember what it represents - what it stands for - the miracle of life and the power of God.
Please pray for us this week as our daughter undergoes surgery. Pray for peace for us, the skill of the surgeon, and healing for Lily.
Goodbye spot... we will miss you!