As I sit here on the eve before my daughter's second birthday, I can't help but feel a mixture of emotions:
Joy
Awe
Thankfulness
Wonder
Blessed
And on the flip side:
Fear
Exhaustion
Stress
Weariness
Anger
I can't help but reminiscence about this night 2 years ago. The night before I met my living breathing miracle face-to-face.
I remember that night listening over and over to a the song, "Never Let Go" by Matt Redman.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, your perfect love is casting out fear, and even though I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back for I know you are near. I will fear no evil, for my God is with us, and if my God is with us, whom then shall I fear, whom then shall I fear. Oh no you never let go through the calm and through the storm..."
And God... he never did let God. He still holds us with his mighty grip, nearly 2 years later. My beautiful miracle, Lily Grace made it from my womb into this world. And she has grown into your typical 2 year old. On the outside, a passerby on the street might notice she looks like a 18 month old, but that's about it. They wouldn't be able to guess her story. They would never know.
And yet on the inside, there are things we have to deal with daily, that most parent's don't. There is the daily shot, there are the nearly weekly at times doctor's appointments. There are the 3 surgeries within the past year. There is the stress of the doctor's bills adding up, an there are the fears of the "what ifs". Yet at the same time, there is the wonder.
She runs
She plays
She dances
She sings
She throws tantrums
She smiles
She frowns
She laughs
She cries
She repeats everything and asks for things in compound sentences
She lights up a room when she walks in, and she demands the attention of anyone willing to even glance her way.
She loves Elmo and Sesame Street.
She loves Bubble Guppies.
She loves to swim and play "side" (outside)
She loves trains
She loves dolls.
She loves any and all music.
She loves fruit and cheese and hot dogs
And I hear her now in her room singing Happy Birthday to herself. Because that is exactly who she is.
She makes me smile and cry all in one.
She is amazing!
And even though I feel some of the negatives tonight just hours before she turns 2. It is overshadowed in every way by the beautiful little girl she has become. I am humbled to be chosen to be her mom. And I am not lying for one minute, when I say I am so happy I was chosen for this journey.
So tonight Lily, I remember those last few painful and fear-wrought hours before I met you, and kissed... if even just for a moment your beautiful face. I pray that God will make you grow - both physically, and in him. That he will protect you, and he will continue to mold you into such a beautiful part of His creation. And I pray that me, as your mother, will be ever so patient, will have discernment when it comes to your health, will not be beat down on days when things don't go as planned, and will never ever forget what an amazing miracle God worked through your life.
Happy Birthday Princess! I love you.
