Rambling Thoughts for a Sunday Night

July 10, 2011

I really want to sit down and blog.  I have so many thoughts racing through my head that I toss and turn a lot of nights - so I'm not sleeping well... AGAIN!  Then after a horrible night of sleep, I am exhausted at the end of each day.  I can't help but thinking of ongoing surgeries for this baby and persisting through them while still trying to make life as normal as possible for "L" and trying to work!  And the medical bills that are likely to follow constantly haunt my mind.  I need to plan.  I can't.  I've said it before, but this is driving me ABSOLUTELY NUTS!!!

On top of that, I have things I want to say.  Things I know that will not seem popular or might even offend some.  I start to write about it... and then I stop.  But I think I've decided finally I have to write about what my feelings are.  This is my space, this is my blog.  I guess if I offend someone that is par for the course.

My MRI "results" were emailed to me on Friday.  I tried reading them.  That was probably a huge mistake, as I seriously - even with a bachelor's degree - cannot understand 98% of what it means.  I can tell you that female genitalia was confirmed.  That is one sentence I understood.  Along with the mass is complex consisting of 3 components.  Seriously... that's it.  Everything else is full of major medical terms, and googling them was not the wisest idea, and really didn't add to my knowledge anyways.  So... I will await patiently to speak with my doctor about them on Thursday at my appointment.

I've been eating WAY too much again.  But honestly, I am so hungry.  Like tonight, I felt like I needed a another dinner a mere 2 hours after my dinner of roasted sweet potatoes and steak.  What?  I have packed on 5 pounds already since my last appointment (thanks cheesecake) and I'm terrified to step on that scale on Thursday.  Let's just hope its all baby growing (although the cheesecake really tells me otherwise).

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  1. Deep breaths. Write what is on your heart. We'll be here for you! And as for the rest think about what you can plan for and do so as best you can.

    Let me know if I can help at all. As always I am praying.

  2. Someone is always going to be offended. But the therapy values of just putting your fears out there honestly far outweigh the risks. Praying for you! I think you'll find things are actually a little easier once "L" is born. For me the worst part was the waiting-wondering-un certainty.
    I dealt with surgeries and everything while still working- and it was hard, but nowhere near as hard as being on bedrest just thinking, thinking, thinking every day of the nightmare that was coming my way.
    Hope you have a wonderful, relaxing week.


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