I Hate Those PeopleJanuary 10, 2012
Don't you hate those people... those women? You know the kind I mean... the kind that lose 10 pounds in 1 week. The kind that gain 40 pounds while they are pregnant and are back in their pre-pregnancy size by the end of their maternity leave.
I have read one too many stories lately about women like this. I hate it. Sorry if this is you... don't take it personally, but from where I stand it is unfair.
Over 3 months ago I gave birth to a 5 pound 9 ounce little pink angel. Sitting here tonight I weigh 4 pounds less than the day she was born. I did not lose 10 pounds in 1 week, in fact, I don't even weigh less than her birth weight. I have been done with maternity leave for a month, and I can tell you am I still double my pre-pregnancy size. I feel completely alone. It seems like no one else seems to have this problem. Why do I feel like the only woman in the world that has had a baby, gained weight, and barely lost any of it? I am frustrated and ticked off!
I have been perfectly on the Weight Watchers eating plan so far this week... even over the weekend. Stepping on the scale this morning - and yes it is NOT my weigh in day, and yes I know I shouldn't weigh myself so often, so go away already - revealed that I have lost nothing since last Thursday.
There are so so many nights I want to throw in the towel, to forget it. But then I remember that I said I #Believe. There are so many nights I look at this:
|My after Oct 2010|
What a difference a year makes:
|Starting over - 40 pounds heavier - Jan 2012|
At least she is still smiling... who wouldn't holding that perfect peanut!
|My "before" Fall 2006|
There are some days I can't stand to look at myself. I feel sad. I feel betrayed by life... I kick and scream, "It's not fair!" I did my work before, and now I'm here - fat again. I am tired of trying to lose weight. I don't want to be back at the beginning of this again. It feels impossible. I'm tired of hearing about 5+ pound weight losses, when that is not my reality.
I want to blink my eyes in be back at my goal weight. I want to blink my eyes and realize I had a terrible dream... that 2011 was one big, terrible dream.
But that isn't going to happen. My reality is not going anywhere. And so... for one more day I deal with it. I trudge along realizing that it is going to take me way longer than I ever thought to lose this weight again, and possibly even longer to deal with my emotions and anxiety, that my daughter is going to be a small peanut her whole life and I just need to find a witty comeback, and that perfection, easy perfect pregnancies, and large weekly weight losses ... those are for the unlucky ones; For
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller