Attitude Adjustment

January 19, 2012

So last week I was whiny... really whiny.  It happens.  I posted this.  I was hating my body... hating my weight.  I was feeling like it was all really unfair.  And then, I got exactly what I needed, this comment:

Valerie (seattlerunnergirl)said...

I know you might want to smack me for this, but I would trade every one of those 40 pounds for your daughter in a heartbeat. Or, rather, I think you would. If given a choice between whether you could erase the last year AND the weight, but in so doing you'd have to give up your little girl, I'm pretty sure you'd choose to keep Lily and the weight. It just sucks that you can't have BOTH Lily AND your goal weight right now. But you will eventually. I'm believing it for you AND for me because I'm pretty much in the same place.

Now I don't know if you read Valerie's blog, but I have for probably about a year and a half.  It was one of the first blogs I started reading when I started running.  Then, last year within about the same week we both announced our pregnancies.  Val was due in September... 3 weeks before me.  And in September, her little girl was born just 1 day before mine.  We both had C-sections.  We are both "losers" of weight and now gainers of weight because of our sweet babies.

I read Val's comment and I cried.  I'm not talking a dainty little cry, I'm talking big sobs, snotty nose crying.  What she said was so obvious and so true.  Why, why did I not think of that myself?

I would absolutely 100 percent any day trade even more than 40 lbs for my daughter.  I would trade it all back.  I would trade all 115 pounds back if I had to for her.  I would trade 200 pounds for her.  I wouldn't want to, but I would do it, without even thinking about it. 

As much as the miracle of Lily has changed me, it is obvious that the old ways of thinking about myself are still sometimes fully intact - the old ways of equating my worth to a number on a stupid scale. 

I am not what I weigh! 

I have been letting the post-pregnancy weight define me, rule my emotions, get me down.  I am done. 

Don't get me wrong, I am still as driven as ever to get back to my goal, , but at this point if I never lost another pound, but was guaranteed to be able to snuggle my sweet baby girl every day, I would be happy. 

I will love myself where I'm at.
I will live my life where I'm at.

And that... is why I do this.  Why I put this out here, because I know I'm not the only person that struggles with these things.  I know I'm not the only mother who's gained too much weight during a pregnancy, I know I'm not the only mother of a Turner Syndrome miracle, that wonders what the future will bring.  I know I'm not the only woman that judges her self worth by the number on the scale, and I know when I'm being short-sighted and not seeing the forest for the trees, that I have someone who will come and pull me up and give me what I need - which this time was a good attitude adjustment!

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  1. Awesome! You do have a lot to be thankful for!

    Stay focused!

  2. Love this new focus! She is a such a blessing that only cost you 40 temporary pounds. Your life IS more than what your scale says. And you already know you can lose the weight. Thanks for sharing. :)

  3. Sarah, I saw that comment and thought i twas beautiful! She really nailed it for you. Keep this new focus. You can do this!

    Also, I don't mean to be rude/totally off topic, but want to ask a favor. I read your blog regularly, and the worst you can do is say no or delete my comment.

    My good friend was the victim of a violent crime and has no health insurance. Could you please spread the word for the cause? We're trying to raise money to put a dent in his medical bills. You can see more about what happened and photos here on my blog:

    If you can't repost the information, and you use Stumble Upon, could you at least thumbs up the post and share it with your friends?

  4. and I adore Valerie.
    It's the tough love when you know it comes from a place of huge love.


  5. "I am not what I weigh."

    AMEN! I'm so glad the comment helped. Instead of making you want to smack me. :)

    We WILL get there...the amazing thing is we now have our girls to love and adore along the way.


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