Confused, Angry, and ScaredNovember 10, 2011
Its Thursday... which means I weighed myself for the first time since starting back to counting Points last Thursday.
Overall, my week was really good. I followed the plan. I measured my food. I stopped eating candy. Probably the only thing that I didn't do was drink the amount of water I should have.. but, I was close.
So... when I stepped on the scale this morning, I was really hopeful. But instead what I got was a weight that was up .1 of a pound. I blinked, and laughed thinking I must have screwed up and I got off and stepped on again... same number, 215.1. I can't believe it. I'm PISSED! No, make that I'm PISSED AS HELL! Can you tell I'm mad?
I really can't figure it out, but what it does is makes me 100% distrust the Points Plus program. And even more it makes me distrust my body. When bodies were being handed out, I got the lemon, and unlike a car I don't think there is a lemon law anywhere for bodies.
In fact, I was so mad about it that I sat in my bed and cried about it for a good hour this morning. I actually lost less weight this week, than last week when I was not doing Weight Watchers and was mindlessly eating Halloween candy. My mind says then maybe I should just go back to eating candy. Yeah, I know, that's just stupid.
This is like living through my worst fear... I that I will NOT be able to lose weight again.
I'm really not sure what to do from here. I know I can't give up, but I seriously cannot put in the effort and willpower that losing weight takes without getting a payoff for doing it.
I am confused, and angry, and scared. I don't like how I look and how I feel. This stinks!
Please excuse me while I put a pan of brownies in the oven...