Don't you hate those people... those women? You know the kind I mean... the kind that lose 10 pounds in 1 week. The kind that gain 40 pounds while they are pregnant and are back in their pre-pregnancy size by the end of their maternity leave.
I have read one too many stories lately about women like this. I hate it. Sorry if this is you... don't take it personally, but from where I stand it is unfair.
Over 3 months ago I gave birth to a 5 pound 9 ounce little pink angel. Sitting here tonight I weigh 4 pounds less than the day she was born. I did not lose 10 pounds in 1 week, in fact, I don't even weigh less than her birth weight. I have been done with maternity leave for a month, and I can tell you am I still double my pre-pregnancy size. I feel completely alone. It seems like no one else seems to have this problem. Why do I feel like the only woman in the world that has had a baby, gained weight, and barely lost any of it? I am frustrated and ticked off!
I have been perfectly on the Weight Watchers eating plan so far this week... even over the weekend. Stepping on the scale this morning - and yes it is NOT my weigh in day, and yes I know I shouldn't weigh myself so often, so go away already - revealed that I have lost nothing since last Thursday.
There are so so many nights I want to throw in the towel, to forget it. But then I remember that I said I #Believe. There are so many nights I look at this:
and it stings my eyes... it hurts! I want her back. She was so happy and skinny and naive. She didn't carry around a chip on her shoulder or feel the sting when completely strangers make negative comments about how her baby is so tiny for her age. She didn't know the pain and hurt and anxiety of a pregnancy "gone wrong". She had so much hope that things would work out, that her perfect story would be written. She didn't think she'd gain that much weight while pregnant. She also didn't think she'd have 28 ultrasounds, 1 amnio, and 1 MRI! She thought whatever weight she did lose would fall off in a couple of months.
What a difference a year makes:
And at the end of the day the only thing that sometimes keeps me going is the perspective that at least I am no longer this:
And there is no way in hell I'm going back there.
There are some days I can't stand to look at myself. I feel sad. I feel betrayed by life... I kick and scream, "It's not fair!" I did my work before, and now I'm here - fat again. I am tired of trying to lose weight. I don't want to be back at the beginning of this again. It feels impossible. I'm tired of hearing about 5+ pound weight losses, when that is not my reality.
I want to blink my eyes in be back at my goal weight. I want to blink my eyes and realize I had a terrible dream... that 2011 was one big, terrible dream.
But that isn't going to happen. My reality is not going anywhere. And so... for one more day I deal with it. I trudge along realizing that it is going to take me way longer than I ever thought to lose this weight again, and possibly even longer to deal with my emotions and anxiety, that my daughter is going to be a small peanut her whole life and I just need to find a witty comeback, and that perfection, easy perfect pregnancies, and large weekly weight losses ... those are for the unlucky ones; For
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller
I have read one too many stories lately about women like this. I hate it. Sorry if this is you... don't take it personally, but from where I stand it is unfair.
Over 3 months ago I gave birth to a 5 pound 9 ounce little pink angel. Sitting here tonight I weigh 4 pounds less than the day she was born. I did not lose 10 pounds in 1 week, in fact, I don't even weigh less than her birth weight. I have been done with maternity leave for a month, and I can tell you am I still double my pre-pregnancy size. I feel completely alone. It seems like no one else seems to have this problem. Why do I feel like the only woman in the world that has had a baby, gained weight, and barely lost any of it? I am frustrated and ticked off!
I have been perfectly on the Weight Watchers eating plan so far this week... even over the weekend. Stepping on the scale this morning - and yes it is NOT my weigh in day, and yes I know I shouldn't weigh myself so often, so go away already - revealed that I have lost nothing since last Thursday.
There are so so many nights I want to throw in the towel, to forget it. But then I remember that I said I #Believe. There are so many nights I look at this:
 |
| My after Oct 2010 |
What a difference a year makes:
 |
| Starting over - 40 pounds heavier - Jan 2012 At least she is still smiling... who wouldn't holding that perfect peanut! |
 |
| My "before" Fall 2006 |
There are some days I can't stand to look at myself. I feel sad. I feel betrayed by life... I kick and scream, "It's not fair!" I did my work before, and now I'm here - fat again. I am tired of trying to lose weight. I don't want to be back at the beginning of this again. It feels impossible. I'm tired of hearing about 5+ pound weight losses, when that is not my reality.
I want to blink my eyes in be back at my goal weight. I want to blink my eyes and realize I had a terrible dream... that 2011 was one big, terrible dream.
But that isn't going to happen. My reality is not going anywhere. And so... for one more day I deal with it. I trudge along realizing that it is going to take me way longer than I ever thought to lose this weight again, and possibly even longer to deal with my emotions and anxiety, that my daughter is going to be a small peanut her whole life and I just need to find a witty comeback, and that perfection, easy perfect pregnancies, and large weekly weight losses ... those are for the unlucky ones; For
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller
