December 17, 2010

Uninspiring... that's how I feel despite the wonderful comments that you guys always leave for me.
Maybe its because I gained 2.6 pounds on Thursday at my weigh in, despite being on plan all week.
Maybe its because we've had so much snow and cold this year already and its not even officially winter yet. 
Maybe its because I've had so much at work and and in life going on.
Maybe its because I miss my family this time of year.
Maybe its because I missed every light to and from work yesterday.
Maybe its because my hormones are seriously messed up.
Maybe its because I had to pay my son's hospital bill from the MRI yesterday - in December of all months.
Maybe its because my 3 year old is crabby and sassy and waking up in the middle of the night asking me to "help him sleep."
Maybe its because its dark at 4:15 pm.
Maybe its because I just can't get into the groove of the new Weight Watchers plan - it seems like endless work, and endless time that I just don't have right now.
Maybe its because I'm on my third Christmas party in a week.
Maybe its because sometimes I secretly want to give up, to not care so much.
Maybe its because I feel bloated and my jeans were tight today.
Maybe its because I sometimes feel really alone.
Maybe its because Christmas is one week away and I still have to wrap everything.
Maybe its because I hate my stupid, broken, - did I mention stupid, body.
Maybe its because I didn't let myself eat a monster cookie yesterday.
Maybe its because I'm having trouble sleeping.

Can you tell I'm in a bad place?  I'm in a bad place with a shitload of cookies and candy in my house too.  NOT GOOD!  Its taking everything I have not to sit down with a whole tin, and eat it. 

I ask myself - Will it solve anything?  Will it truely fill what I'm looking for?  Will it help me get what I want?  No, No, and No.  Do I sometimes still take a bite?  Yep... I am still a human, even if I've lost 116.6 - 2.6 pounds.  I still think like a fat person.

Emotions never go away, the desire to eat yourself through them continues to rear its ugly head.  My response though now, its different.  I don't eat the whole tin before I recognize that I'm not really hungry, I only eat half.
Victory is progress.
Success is progress.
This is a lifelong journey.  There is no end.
Progress NOT Perfection!

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  1. I surely does sound like you have a lot on your mind and in your heart right now. I do understand the mental 'need' to eat feelings away and I'm so glad that your radar is up and running...even if you are nibbling here and there - it's still up and running, and that's a good sign. March on, Sarah. You have load of people ready to walk with you.

  2. We miss you too at Christmas! And . . . all of us feel bloated in our jeans . . . and if you can't get rid of those cookies we can always serve them at the wedding! Love you!!!!

  3. My friend, I am so sorry you are stuggling. I've totally been there, I know exactly how you feel. It's been a hard December for me. Feel like I'm about 2 weeks behind. Christmas is here and I'm bummed...don't feel like I've enjoyed anything. I think the focus on my workouts and food this year has put me behind. I really did not have any idea how much time I put into all of this. The great thing is, I did not put my health & fitnes plan on the back burner. I actually did not do some of my usual Christmas things, as I just did not have the time. I have struggled with being OK about that. I just have to keep reminding myself, that I'm important too and what I do for myself needs to be done ~ first!

    For once in my life I'm looking forward to the new year. Good things are coming and I can't wait!!

    Hang in there my friend!!

    Keep focused!


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