Girly Clothes

May 17, 2011

I remember my 20 week ultrasound with my son "L".  I remember finding out he was a boy.  I remember being happy, because even though I secretly longed for a girl, once they said he was a boy, I never thought about a girl ever again.  Then I remember hitting the store to buy my first "baby item", and remember thinking "Wow, there isn't much in here for boys."  I secretly eyed the girls section, with the super cute little outfits and darling dresses. 

Today, if you know my son, you will know that for a boy he is one of the most well-dressed kids around. It started while he was spending his first 27 days of life in the NICU, learning to eat and grow.  He was only 3 lbs 4 oz and 16 inches long, so even the newborn stuff we bought, and were given, was too big.  I started buying preemie clothes on eBay in between spending time at the hospital... and well, the rest is history.  I love buying cute clothes for him.  I stalk eBay for super cute Gymboree and Janie and Jack outfits, I hold out every season for the famous Gymboree circle of friends sale.  I am hopeless!

Last Thursday before our ultrasound, I was already certain we were having a girl.  I thought, finally, I can go into the girls section of the store, and probably spend way too much money on super cute little clothes.  I had visions of little dresses swirling in my head.  But after the spiraling events of that day, now the baby section at Target has me holding my breath and speeding quickly past, taking a sideways glance out of the corner of eye at this little blue dress, and feeling a tear slide out of my eye and down my cheek.

Calypso for Target Dress
Tonight we were at the Mall of America, and the cute girl clothes in the window at Hanna Andersen were enough to bring me to tears.  I am having a girl, and now I can't even bring myself to buy her something.  I wish I had the kind of faith that would allow me to, but in all honesty, I don't.  I will spend the rest of this pregnancy, however long that is, avoiding buying my little girl any clothes. 
I'm stuck... I can't buy myself regular clothes, because they no longer fit, now that I'm 20 weeks pregnant.  I can't buy maternity clothes, because I have no clue how long I'll actually need them, and deep down I'm really a cheapskate.  I can't even buy my own unborn baby girl clothes because I don't know if she will ever live to wear them.

I'm stuck, it stinks, its completely unfair, and I hate it!

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  1. It is so unfair. I'm so sorry.

  2. I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. I can't even imagine how upsetting this is for you. I hope the best for you.

  3. I was thinking about you all weekend and something that stuck out to me was that you felt like you had done something to deserve this. I've always tried to see the positive in things, and this one is hard, but as I thought about it I wondered if maybe you weren't CHOSEN to take care of this little girl. Maybe you were handpicked because your God knows that you can and will love, protect, and nurture this little girl no matter what hardships she faces.

    I've never been in your shoes so I don't begin to pretend to know how you feel. My gut tells me that when you're ready, buying some things for your little peanut will be good for both of you.

    Sending hugs!

  4. I agree, Sarah . . . and if you don't go by something for her, your big sis will be mailing out a package!

  5. This is a caring bridge page of my friends twins. Maybe this will be helpful to you.

  6. (((((HUGS))))) I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you. Life is so unfair!

    I'd like to share a quote from someone I know who has a daughter with a severe seizure disorder: "Special parents are gifted with special kids to share their lives with." I pray that your little girl is born healthy & is able to live a relatively normal life. You & "L" beat the odds - I pray that your beautiful daughter will beat the odds too.

  7. Friend, I am praying for you and your little girl. The Lord is with you!!!

  8. Thanks for following my Eagan Daily Photo blog, Sarah!
    Kind regards


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