Week 18 Pregnancy UpdateMay 11, 2011
Another week down, almost half way there!
I was only feeling really sick for 2 days! Making progress...
I FINALLY STARTED EXERCISING again. Monday night was a 30 minute brisk walk, and tonight a 20 minute walk - which I cut short because my back was REALLY hurting and crampy. These are huge victories for me, as I haven't exercised in a couple of months. It feels so good to get the legs and lungs moving again. Only 1 more day this week, and I'll have met my minimum goal for the week. I can do that!
Feeling tiny baby movements is great, but I'm going to admit that on the days I don't feel it for awhile, it starts to make me full of fear, worry, and slightly crazy. I want so much to enjoy this pregnancy, but I just can't seem to get to the point where I don't feel the bottom is about to drop out of this pipe dream.
Same thing with the ultrasound. Tomorrow is the BIG day - our anatomy scan and hopefully finding out if this is a little girl or a little boy. I should be super excited, right? And I am... but overtaking that is immense fear. The fear that they will find something wrong with the baby, or the fear that he/she will be too small and not growing well, the fear that I will be headed down the path of IUGR and HELLP syndrome once again. I want to scream at myself, grab myself by the shoulders and shake. I want to tell myself to quit being so stupidly irrational, and to just relax. I don't want to feel this way, but I do, and all I can do right now is take each day as it comes and try really hard not to hyperventilate about _
If you have any ideas to knock some sense into me, please let me know, because obviously what I'm doing isn't working. And if you are the praying type, I'd really covet some prayers right about now... specifically about tomorrow's ultrasound - that we'd find a perfectly growing little being in there - and about my anxiety levels.
Stay tuned for ultrasound results tomorrow!