6 More DaysSeptember 10, 2011
Yes... I'm still here and I'm still pregnant. I was told to keep doing what I'm doing because obviously it is working. No signs of swelling or high blood pressure, and all biophysical profiles have been 100%! Now I just pray that the amnio comes back positive on Thursday for lung development, so this little girl can be born on Friday.
As I sit here this afternoon, I ponder, what should I be doing with my last week of pregnancy? Well... this morning it was pushing a much too heavy cart of groceries around SuperTarget, and then getting a pedicure. Gotta have cute feet if nothing else on me is cute, right? My husband thinks its a waste, I consider it a small investment in my mental health.
Then there is the pantry cupboard to organize of course... I mean, who in their right mind goes into their last few days of pregnancy without organizing their pantry cupboard, right?
Of course there's laundry, and suddenly I find myself freaking out that if I do laundry today and not again this week that my 4 year old will run out of underwear at the very moment of my C-section, causing him to have to "go commando" until I am released from the hospital. Ah... it almost brings a smile to my face to worry about something so mundane.
Oh yeah, and why wouldn't I take on a couple of really small projects at work this past week... I mean, most people that are mere days away from having a baby do that, right?
Of course I realize that I am definitely trying to keep my mind... if not my body, busy. As busy as possible. So I don't have to think for one minute about what is about to happen... I don't have to think about the IV and the spinal, the fact that another human being (be as great as she is) is mere days away from cutting me open, taking out the human life I've been growing since January, and sewing me back up!
As I read the other day "I am fearful, but I long to be fearless." source
I hope this week I can get myself a little closer to some peace in spite of the fear.