The Big FAT Conspiracy

August 20, 2010

Tonight I feel like the world is out to sabotage me - to derail my weight loss efforts - to keep me fat and to make me fatter!  I just feel like no one is making this even the slightest bit easy for me.  OK, I realize no one said this was going to be easy.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it is the hardest thing I've EVER had to do in my life.  But still... could I get a little help please?

Why do I feel this way... Let's review:

  • Injured my back this week... having to "take it easy" on the exercise.  I HATE moving less... now that was weird coming out of my keyboard. 
  • My dear husband brought home the most delicious loaf of homemade ciabatta bread from the farmer's market yesterday.  Yes, we have olive oil and basil and tomatoes too... Yes I had 6 1/2 pieces of bruschetta as my appetizer tonight.  Yes there is nothing more I LOVE in the universe than fresh baked WHITE bread.  Be still my heart.  Thanks honey... or maybe not.
  • Corporations that don't "respect" my order... and here is where I'm going to "go off."  In the last 2 weeks I have no less than 4 times been sabotaged by corporations selling me their food and drinks.  I've asked for something, and when I drove away or walked away I realized my order was not filled correctly.  It seems to be an issue with coffee places for some reason.  Please know this, I LOVE COFFEE!  I drink lots of it, in all sorts of forms.  But please for the love of God people when I ask for sugar-free or skim or whatever it is, please know that I'm not doing it because I just love the way that "sugar-free" rolls off the tip of my tongue.  No, I'm actually asking for sugar free because I take the medicine Glucophage.  It's a type 2 diabetic medicine.  I am not a type 2 diabetic... yet, but I have PCOS (Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which has given me insulin resistance, which makes me act like a type 2 diabetic... hope that all made sense.  Because I take the lovely medicine, glucophage,  when I ingest sugar a portion of it is blocked from my system, making sugary syrups in coffee my nemesis.  So please for the love of God give me the sugar free frappacino, the sugar free syrup.  Dear Starbucks, I love you, but you pissed me off tonight.  I wanted the lite frappacino.  After years of drinking the fat laden, sugar-laden ones, I know the difference between a lite and a regular.  THAT WAS NOT A LITE FRAPPACINO!  But my husband that brought me the bread sure enjoyed it though.
There are other reasons... but I feel I've bestowed enough rage on you for one night.  I'm tired of losing weight.  I don't want to do it anymore... but I'm going to.

I feel alone tonight.  I feel like no one else has to struggle with these issues, with the wanting food, but not being able to have it. 

I feel like there is a big fat conspiracy to keep me fat!

P-S:  Down .2 at my weigh in.  SIGH... These last few pounds are going to take awhile, aren't they?

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  1. You're not alone. There are thousands upon thousands of us that are working to be healthier every single day. Intellectually I'm sure you appreciate this, but perhaps a little more support from those around you, might help.

    Also, there is no conspiracy against you. I'll be honest, we did think about it and it was discussed at our monthly saboteurs meeting. Truth be told, we have our sights elsewhere right now.

    Seriously though, this isn't a challenge that only you are faced with. What's great about having your blog is that you get to vent to people that actually "get it". We understand because we live it too. Keep strong :)

  2. First off, you need to adjust the way you view yourself. You said you feel like there is a conspiracy to "keep you fat." Well, honey, I am happy to be the one to tell you this, but YOU ARE NO LONGER FAT! It takes the mind a long time to adjust to the changes in our bodies, but for as long as you think of yourself as FAT, you will have all the same struggles as when you WERE fat.

    That being said, I am sending you BIG HUGS! Some days/weeks just suck the big one, that's for sure. And it's not about you, it's just how life is. And what's great, is that aside from the little bread-detour, I am not hearing you say you buried your sorrows/pissed-off-ness in food this week. THAT right there is proof positive that this is a LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY for you (as Tara would say) instead of just a "diet."

    Hang in there!

  3. I can't start this comment by saying "You are not alone" because someone else already said it. So I shall say "You are SO FAR from alone." Is that original enough? lol
    Here's the thing. Food is going to come at us from all sides. No matter how much we diet, or fight it, or deny it. The best news is, you can make new friends (ahem, I humbly offer my services) who will listen to you whine and grumble and moan about your frustrations. And I will share mine with you so you don't ever feel lost and isolated.
    And the frappicuinos---(no idea how to spell it) are straight from the pit of dieting hell. Inevitiably, the barista will put one item in that is loaded with sugar/fat/whatever you don't want- because they don't care that we are struggling with our weight and one mistep with sugar/fat/whatever-we-don't-want will set us back a full week. Not to mention make us feel like a failure, even though we aren't. Grrrr. I keep the makers of fat-free french vanilla creamer and the Splenda company in business during the recession. ;)


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