I'm OK With ThatJanuary 27, 2011
I have SO much rambling around in my head, but I can't seem to organize any of it for a coherent post. So maybe I'll just try a list:
- I lost .4 at my weigh in today. Believe it or not I am OK with that. I'm still 8 pounds below my goal weight. I just have a lot going on right now.
- Speaking of a lot going on right now... I just switched my PointsPlus tracker to maintenance for awhile, as I really feel this is what I need to do right now. There are some other things I'm going to focus on, rather than the number on the scale. I'm OK with that. WOW... that felt weird to say, but it is true. I'm OK.
- I'm OK... yikes, the pure fact that I have to repeat that so many times in the past 5 sentences, must mean I am really not OK. Yeah... I really am... I just have to stop myself hyperventilating sometimes.
-- Speaking of hyperventilating, today I had to get some blood work done, and I just about had a freaking panic attack in the bathroom at the clinic. You know what caused it? The smell of the soap (Liz it still happens to me too 3-1/2 years later). Its the raw, nose-tingling antiseptic soap smell from when "L" was in the NICU. I thought I had that reaction under control, but apparently not. It takes me to a bad place. I managed to calm myself down with some positive thoughts and a prayer. It helped, and now I'm OK.
- If you blog, do you ever think about how it is so weird to have your life splashed all out there on the Internet? Today I got a hit on my blog from someone searching images - obese lady. WOW... awesome. I wonder what site my before picture will end up on now? Oh well... I'm OK with it because I put my story out here to help people, inspire people, and let you know that you can do it, and yes, I too, still struggle every single day.
- I've been doing some interval work at the gym, and at the risk of offending a bunch of people, I have to say that walking on the treadmill makes me feel like a wimp - no offense to walkers, seriously. This is just about me. After running for so long, it just seems... well... strange. And you know what? I'm OK with that.
There you have it... RAW, REAL, and REALLY vague. It's just how I am today, and I'm OK with that. I really am.