I am Tired

August 04, 2011

I am just so tired. 
I am just so sad.  I hope its hormonal or something.  Its the worst its been since the Bubble Burst.  I am so incredibly tired, I want to hibernate or something.  Its been nearly 3 months that I've been living with this supposedly doomed pregnancy.
I am tired of the doctors. 
I am tired of Thursdays.
I am sick and tired of the gooey ultrasound gel.
I am tired of dreading my blood pressure.
I am tired of watching my weight go up.
I am tired of watching the ultrasound screen and waiting for the words from the doctor.
I am tired of knowing what a good arterial measurement is, and what a normal volume of fluid is.
I am tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop.
I am tired of being jealous of people with perfect pregnancies bringing home perfect babies.
I am tired of thinking about this.
I am tired of wondering what is going to happen.
I am tired of worrying about getting cut open.
I am tired of sleeping like crap.
I am tired of peeing so much.
I am tired of getting heartburn and wondering if its the beginning of HELLP.
I am tired of the doom and gloom
and... yet at the same time I am tired of people that act as if nothing is wrong.
I am tired of living in my own skin.
I am tired of not drinking wine and eating blue cheese.
I am so incredibly tired, and I don't think I'm going to feel relief any time soon.

P.S - I have nothing to report from the doctor's visit today.  Status Quo.  Blood pressure 131/81, up 1 pound this week.

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  1. You have every reason to be tired (um, beyond tired is more like it). Thank you so much for sharing what is on your heart, how you truly feel. I do love that you're so honest and don't sugar coat anything. I am praying that God gives you renewed strength each day, the rest you need, some relief and some peace (big, tall order, huh?). :) It'd be so great to know we could just pray these things and *poof*, it just happened (in that perfect world, I guess). Just know that you're thought of often and lifted up in prayer (I know that doesn't change the way you feel or fix anything, but know that you have ears that are listening to your heart).

  2. Praying for you that you will find rest and comfort in the days to come! I've had 2 c-sections that both went beautifully. Did you have a C with "L"? Drop me a line if you haven't and I'd be happy to share with you my experiences.

  3. Ugggggg ... I'm sorry Sarah. It's just a crappy situation. The next time I'm out there we're going to have a stinky cheese fest. Tell Mike to watch out!

  4. One of the things that I got SO TIRED of when I was pg with Addison was hearing other pregnant women complaining about how hard their life was with little aches and pains. Silently, I would be like "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" This pregnancy I keep having to stop and remind myself- this is nothing- you've done much worse and survived...a normal pregnancy is really a walk in the park (and yes, I was right there with the jealous aspect too)
    Praying for you. I know it's not easy, but you have come SO far! You're so close...

  5. Jan - Thank you
    Kari - Yes, "L" was emergency C-section... so I didn't have time to think about it. I swear they are going to have to give me a valium that day, because between worrying about the surgery and wondering what will happen with our baby once she is born, I will be absolutely off the deep end.
    Jessica - yes we will!
    Deanna - yep and yep. I don't want to be jealous... I feel mean and so snarky these days. I know you know.

  6. I wish I could take a bit of this off of you because I understand just a bit of it and it makes me tired for you (particularly the jealous of perfect pregnancies taking home perfect babies bit).

    But I can say that I am amazed by your resilience and am praying for you and baby girl and the whole family daily. Hugs!

  7. Words mean so little at this point. But your family remembers you.


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