Just Right

March 27, 2012

I'm going to share something that is hard for me, but I'm ready to share it, and I think sharing it will help me work on it even more.

I'm a comparer.

According to Merriam-Webster compare is:
"to examine the character or qualities of especially in order to discover resemblances or differences.  
"to view in relation to"

comparer is a noun made of this verb.  I checked, because initally I thought I might have actually made the word up.  It would describe a person that does the above.

I am a comparer.
I compare myself to those that are thinner... and those that are fatter.
I compare the speed of my weight loss to before Lily and after Lily.
I compare my "fat pants" to my size 8s.
I compare what I eat now vs. what I used to eat.
I compare the size of my butt to the person walking in front of me.

and I also...
compare the height of my son to those he stands next to in his spring program.
compare his mood one day to the next.
compare the amount he eats to other kids his age.

and then...
I compare Lily's size to other 6 month olds.
I compare the volume of what Lily eats to other 6 month olds.
I compare every single thing that Lily does or does not do... gag, grab toys, make sounds, sit, roll over, length of naps... the list goes on and on to other 6 month olds.
And... I compare her to other girls that don't have Turner Syndrome.
And sometimes, it leaves me feeling sad, empty, and worried.

In fact when I compare about any of the above categories I feel this way.  I feel like I'm not losing weight fast enough - even though in 13 weeks I've lost 15.5 pounds.  I feel like I'll never get back into my skinny pants.  I feel like my son will never eat enough, and yet is much taller than 1 person, and much shorter than another.

I'm a compulsive comparer, and you know what it buys me... nothing!  Nothing but worry and heartache, and often a lot of jealousy (sad but true).

I have to stop.  It never makes me happy.  My kids will always be on the low end of size, and my weight loss appears that it will always be slow and steady.  And no matter how many hours of the day these thoughts take... the thoughts will not change anything.

It is what it is.
And so... I am working on not comparing and not caring about that type of thing.

There once was a little baby.  He was 3 pounds, 4 oz and 16 inches long.  I thought he would never ever get bigger... but you know what?  He did!

"L" All grown up!

And there was once a tiny princess.   She weighed 10 lbs 12 oz for 2 months and her weight never seem to increase, even by 1 ounce.  And her mommy worried and shed many hours of agonizing tears over it, but you know what?  Those tears didn't change anything... and she was happy and loved, so in the end her small size didn't really matter.

My tiny princess!
And then her mommy found out that the tiny little princess for 6 months old was meeting all of her developmental milestones, and the mommy declared the tiny little princess a tiny genius... and for one day, she felt better... until she started the comparison game again.  See... slippery slope, that really in the end means nothing!

Comparison of ourselves or our kids to others... it buys us nothing.  And so, I'm stopping it.  Every time I catch myself doing it... thinking it, I will remind myself that it won't matter... in 5 years, whether my child was 10 lbs 12 oz at 6 months or 20 lbs at 6 months.  Whether she sat by herself at 6 months or 9, 10 , or even 12 months... it just won't matter.  Time is fleeting, so instead of comparing, I will remind myself to sit back and enjoy her just the way she is - at just the size she is.  To enjoy this precious, amazing time and stop the comparing, stop the worrying.

My son has a nightly preschool devotion that we read, and this was last night's:
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it"  Psalm 139:13-14 NLT

You know God loves you.  But did you know he loved you even before you were born?  God's the one who made you and put you together inside your mom.  God's the one who decided what color your eyes should be and how long your nose should be.  God made you very carefully so you'd be just right.  And you are!"

OK, that's pretty profound for a preschooler's devotional.  And boy... it spoke to my heart. 

Regardless of how much I compare, God made Lily very carefully so she'd be just right... and SHE IS!!!!!  She is right for her, and not compared to anyone else on earth!

And so... I'm working on giving up my comparer status.  Praying that it is removed from me, and I can come to accept things as is, the way that they are, because they are just right.

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  1. I'm guilty of being a comparer too.

    Your children are beautiful and so adorable. You have a lovely family.

  2. I've always been taught not to compare my weight loss to anyone else's because every body is different and some of us have other struggles added into the mix (PCOS, for example). You're doing great and you WILL meet your goals! And your children are beautiful...no matter what size they are.

  3. "Comparisons are odious." and I do it too!

  4. "Comparisons are odious." and I do it too!

  5. me too. It sucks. Good for you for working on it.

  6. Loved this post, we are living in such a comparer world, even when we try not to, Drs appts do it to us, magazines, developmental books etc, etc
    I did this a LOT and now do it much less, I think sometimes we do it bc we are humans and want something to show what is the norm, but my norm might not be someone elses

  7. How funny, just wrote something on overcoming my inner perfectionism, so similar! There must be something in the air. :) This is great stuff. I never thought about it as comparing, but I can see it that way now!

  8. Annoying SIL here, but I was just thinking, maybe the comparing started because you were the youngest and maybe you felt you had to keep up with your older brother and sisters? I can only imagine how hard it is not to compare Lily to other 6 months olds, but when you see that twinkle in her eyes, like in the photo above, you have to know that she is going to do amazing things. When you feel overwhelmed by comparing remember to take a deep breath and remember how far you've come.


  9. Good job working it out, lady. Sounds like a struggle but you are workin' through it.

  10. Yeah, it's hard living up to your older sister ;)

  11. Sarah, I spent many years (all unhappy) competing with those around me. It was unspoken and one-sided competition and never did I feel fulfilled in it. I feel like your "comparer" status is the same as my "compete" status. I don't know what finally changed for me or how I became so blaringly aware that I was making my life hard and not being a very good wife, but it became clear that I was poisoning myself and my family with my competition. One of the ways that I work at NOT competing with others is to be deliberate in the way that I conduct myself. This gives me confidence and I trust God way more when I take time to wait for his feedback. Good luck, and I will include you in my prayers.


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